Is it really the worst thing?

TWO DAYS! I gave that anxiety two days of my life! Two anxious filled days about a situation/incident that hasn’t even occurred yet. I feel that I lost those two days trying to figure out how to deal with the problem that could come up. I feel that I lost those two days.

There was a change in assignments at my day job and it created a hysterical person in me. I was anxious. I was told it was the worst thing that could happen. I was told this was one of the reason why someone quit the job. I was told it was difficult. I was told it was repetitive and too stressful. That was what was being assigned to me!

I created world wind scenarios in my head. I was recalling some past events in my life when I was overly worked and overlooked by my co-workers. I was anxious. “I DON’T WANT HISTORY TO REPEAT ITSELF”, I thought to myself, while planning out my escape plan! Two days, I gave that two days of stress – nothing is happening yet!

Karl, my boyfriend, desperately looking for a solution for me. I was defensive, angry and alone. I didn’t what a solution, THERE IS NO SOLUTION! Oh the agony of it all – nothing is happening yet, I was anxious.

He said, “I feel like I lose you every time you’re anxious.” He wasn’t trying to fix my problem, he wanted me back and I wanted the same. I lost myself for those two days for something that’s not even happening. I stepped back a little bit to realize that I was losing myself. I wanted to enjoy my days. I wanted to not worry but worry won me over those two days.

We were listening to an audiobook, Antidote: Happiness for People Who Can’t Stand Positive Thinking by Oliver Burkeman. In the book, he mentions Eckhart Tolle, a spiritual teacher, who had a question “Do you have a problem right now?”. That question hit me, thankfully it did! I’m worrying about something in the future that may or may not even happen. I forgot to live in the moment; I made the future more important than what’s happening now.

After learning Karl’s fears and thoughts about my troubles I realized that I wasn’t focusing on the now. We were after all on a trip of a lifetime and I was there pondering on work issues that may or may not even happen. The sun was setting, the clouds were aligning, ducks were swimming on the lake and the water was red from the reflection of the sunset. I couldn’t enjoy them 100 percent. Thankfully, I was able to get back in the moment to realign myself with the world around me.

I also had to remind myself that even if all my worries do come, it wouldn’t be the worst thing that could happen to me. That even if they come, I will be able to handle them. I have a choice to accept and not accept what I would like to keep in my life, no matter what. I have a choice to dwell on things or to figure out solutions for when they come – but not now!

Do I have a problem right now, this very moment? I answered “NO” & my worries and anxiety left. I freed myself from that, giving me an opportunity to enjoy my time with Karl wholeheartedly; worry and stress free!

So if there is something bothering you, ask yourself, “Do I have a problem right now?”

IG: @piawiaventures

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I’m ok with who I am!

I’m ok with who I am!

Repeat after me: I’m ok with who I am! 10x

My friends, it’s time! It’s time for us to stop comparing, to stop wanting something to be something else! It’s time for us to be happy with who we are now.

I was listening to Joel Osteen’s podcast, Be Comfortable With Who You Are , he talked about running your own race.. being able to celebrate others without feeling like you have to catch up… he told a story about how he focused so much on passing someone while on a run he didn’t realized he was 6 blocks away from his house! That’s what happens when you focus on other people’s race. You make it longer for you to reach your destination.

The podcast inspired me to write about being happy with who we are!

• Do you not feel happy with who you are?

• Do you find yourself always wanting to change?

• Do you find yourself always comparing yourself and your journey from others?

Well, if your answer is yes to any of the questions above, you need to stop it! Stop it already!

God created us to be exactly who we are.

Everyone was created to fulfill a purpose that is different for everyone! No one is ever more special than you to God. We are all equal in his eyes. He doesn’t care if you make the most money or if you have all the degrees in the world! He only cares about how and what you do with your life’s purpose.

The more you love yourself the more you open yourself up to God’s purpose for you!

Remind yourself everyday to Love every single bit of you, from your body to your mind and to your soul & spirit! It’s you, it’s always been you!

You don’t have to be the skinniest or the fastest, the smartest or the prettiest! What matters is what’s in your heart and that you be the best you you can ever be.

A heart filled with love will be much more beneficial for you than a heart filled with discontent.

Everyday, every minute repeat the mantra: I am ok with who I am!

Every time doubt cripples in: I am ok with who I am!

Every time you feel behind: I am ok with who I am!

Every time someone mocks you, disrespects you: I am ok with who I am!

Keep that in mind: I am ok with who I am!

What’s for you will be for you! You just have to love YOU and let the rest flow naturally!

xoxo

@piawiaventures!

I’m ok with who I am! I’m ok with who I am!
Once we accept ourselves unconditionally, no matter where we are, it will feel like home. Self Love

Reference:

Joel Osteen, Podcast “Be Comfortable With Who You Are”

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/joel-osteen-podcast/id137254859?i=1000444682756

Melody Beatle, Journey to the Heart, Daily Meditation on the Path to Freeing Your Soul

Marathon Training – Week 1 & 2 #RoadtoBerlinMarathon2019

So I missed the first 2 weeks of {my} marathon training……………..

As soon at that first week came along, I dreaded running! I was feeling ill and stressed. Reason being, I was in the lazy period cycle (TMI, I know but I thought I should share wholeheartedly), my dad was having an intensive (scary) surgery (so I was incredibly stressed and scared) and I was also anxious about starting the marathon. Then week 2 came along, my Long Distance Boyfriend came to visit. It’s not that I didn’t know he was coming that I couldn’t plan ahead to schedule my runs. I actually decided to start my training that week specifically so I don’t have to do longer runs when he visits but yet as soon as he was here I did not feel like losing those couple hours with him to tackle on my scheduled running. Yes, I completely put training aside for these reasons. I should feel like a failure but I honestly didn’t/don’t. 

To others, these reasons may sound like just pure excuses to not pull through with the training and it suggests total failure. I get it, I thought the same thing too but I decided to forgive myself for those missed training days and continue on with training, as planned. Basically, putting those days behind me and focusing more on what lies ahead. (Again, I chose to FORGIVE MYSELF, keep that in mind!) 

So I decided to start on Week 3, regardless of those missed days. I tackled Week 3 and Week 4 like a champ! I didn’t miss a day and that totally made up for all the missed days/weeks prior to that. I am honestly proud of myself for being consistent on week 3 and 4; looking forward excitedly to the rest of the training!

EVERYONE HAS A DIFFERENT DEFINITION OF SUCCESS. One of the reasons, I wanted to tackle these missed running weeks on here is because I wanted to reiterate to the world just that: everyone has a different definition of success and there’s no point on being hard on yourself for missing some training days/weeks. Just move forward and start over if you have to! (This goes with anything in life, just saying.)

I believe that: as long as you get back out there to continue on with your training, it should be okay. You go out there again and give it your best no matter what and look at those missed days as a reason to go a little harder. Use those missed days as motivation for yourself to never miss another day/week.

I am finding my own definition of SUCCESS and it {honestly} changes daily. There is no right or wrong. If you look unto others to give you your definition of success, you will often feel more like a failure than someone who is just trying their best.

It is important to appreciate the days that you show up and look at the days you don’t as a motivation to keep trying and pushing a little harder {no pressure, lol}. The best part about marathon training is that it is a long process and there is plenty of room to adjust and modify to whatever is best for you! You just gotta find what is best for you. You do you!

Being able to reach this mindset is an accomplishment for me. I used to be super hard on myself with anything that I do or don’t do. Marathon training (running, in general) taught me so much about self love and believing in myself. I learned to be more loving and understanding with myself through running. 

So, if you missed some days on your training just find a way to let it go and start over. Be more focus on what lies ahead. This concept goes with anything in life. The important thing is that you don’t stop and you don’t give up!

That is my rant for today! Yes, this was a rant because so many of us are out here being so hard on ourselves when we should be the one who is most loving and understanding to ourselves! Stay cool and keep on moving!

As always, thank you for reading!

Yours Truly Yours,

Piawia!
Here some photos of week 1 and week 2 training:

 

The Amazing Mom That You Are!

Yeah! You!

You Amazing Mom

Who brought all of us into life.

You Amazing Mom

Who stood up for us when we couldn’t, YET!

You Amazing Mom

Who knew our pain when no one else did!

You Amazing Mom

Who stayed up with us to make sure we’re ok through the night

You Amazing Mom

Who gave up time for yourself to spend time with us.

You Amazing Mom

Who stands in front of us

No Rest

No Sleep

You stand here with a smile

Ready to face another battle of life with us.

We admire your unconditional love for us, your passion to keep us all alive!

To all the moms, new and old, soon-to-be’s and one day will be, you are amazing.

Thank you for all you do!

Special thanks to the moms in my life that inspires me and challenges me to be a better person.

Special thanks to my mom for showing me everyday what it means to unconditionally love someone.

Special thanks to my sister and sister-in-law for bringing so much joy in our lives.

(Belated) Happy Mother’s Day to all! (Better Late Than Never)

Thank you all for reading my thoughts!

~Always be kind and always choose love!~ 

Yours Truly Yours,

Piawia!

My First Solo Travel Venture: San Antonio, Texas, USA – Part 1

April 10, 2019

It’s been more than a week since my trip to San Antonio, Texas and I’m still at an awe to how much fun and how amazing it felt to do something/to experience something like that: a SOLO TRIP.

I originally planned this trip to witness the Jersey Retirement of my favorite basketball player of all time, Emanuel Ginobili, player of the beloved San Antonio Basketball Team, the Spurs.

As soon as they announced the event, I bought my game ticket and a week later, my plane ticket. It took me a while to actually book the hotel just because I got cold feet with the idea of doing or going somewhere alone but I had to, everything was already set!  

As I am on my way to the airport, I keep thinking, “I am actually doing this just to see a player retire his jersey. People are going to think I’m crazy.” But I came to the conclusion that I didn’t care, so the theme of my trip was: “I don’t care what people thought”. Everytime I got myself in a spot where I’m questioning doing something due to people’s opinions, I reminded myself that I didn’t care and it made my trip so much more enjoyable.

So, I took on the journey and went to San Antonio with an open mind.

I decided that my first stop would be the Japanese Tea Garden, right next to the zoo. I decided on taking the bus to get there. The bus stop at the airport was pretty easy to spot.  Two bus rides and I am at the garden but I realized that I was going to wait another 30 minutes for the second bus to arrive so I decided to just go for the walk. I stumbled upon Trinity University and roamed around campus for a bit then I stumbled upon the San Antonio Zoo. In the area is an open field with a little train track that actually comes from the zoo, pretty cool. The little zoo/garden are is a good running spot, I did see a couple of runners in that area too.

The Japanese Tea Garden took me by surprised. I didn’t realized how beautiful it was. I did some research and saw some photos beforehand but I did not think it was that beautiful. They have a little fall, so many flowers, plenty of fish in the ponds and some old structures around the area. There’s also some short trails that you could walk to that leads to the zoo. It was really short though and a some up hills that can be very tiring for Florida folks since we rarely have any inclines (lol I struggled a bit walking back).

After enjoying the relaxing scenery, I went and looked for some food. Thankfully, there was a BBQ place right next to the garden, Augies BBQ.  I ordered a Fried Brisket Sandwich (I think it was called Matador Sandwich). It was so yummy and all I wanted to do after eating (devouring that sandwich) was take a nap. So, I took an Uber (first time riding one alone) to my hotel, took a 3 hour nap and then went for a 2 mile walk/jog/run around the Downtown Riverwalk. It was challenging to find a route for that due to the crowd and of course not knowing exactly where I was but I made it work and ended up finding a spot in the Riverwalk that seemed to be less travelled that made me feel super adventurous (lol). I make myself sound like I don’t go out much but truthfully, I do, I just get overly excited about things (I think that makes me unique, lol).

After my run, I got ready for the game. I took the bus to go to the AT&T Center, which I loved. There is a sense of independence that I feel every time I take public transportations alone, living in Jacksonville, FL. we basically don’t really have access to public transportation. So taking the bus was a thing I am proud of. I don’t think anyone would ever understand that.  

The game was of course exhilaratingly fun. I enjoyed it very much even though I was alone. I got my “Gracias Manu” hat, my tissue (for the retirement ceremony) and a little poster thing that had Manu’s photos.

Although my seat was all the way to the top, it did not feel like I was watching ants play basketball. So my seat was high but I still felt like I was close enough to the players. I sat on the Spurs side, right in front of where Manu’s jersey was going to be hanged and retired. I also saw where Manu sat while watching the game (so close yet so far!). For the first half of the game, I was roaming around trying to take Manu photos at all the spots they had set up. All the championship trophies they won were right next to Manu’s backdrops. It was pretty cool. I was not able to take photos with all of them though but that’s ok. I was anxious to find a good souvenir and also to watch some of the game so I didn’t really feel like standing in the longer lines just to take photos with fake Manus.

The game was exciting. When I started watching it, it was the last couple of minutes of the 3rd quarter and the whole 4th quarter. It’s so exciting to be in a home game of your team. Mills scores a last minute 3 pointer that made the win for the Spurs apparent. He even said he did it for Manu, who really knows. The Spurs came a long way from where they were in the beginning of the season to where they are now. It’s kind of neat to witness their progress and actually seeing it in person. (They are going to the Playoff’s despite the odds not being in their favor in the beginning of the season, how amazing is that?)

The ceremony was to start after the game which kind of took me by surprised since the game was a late game. But it was fine, I just wanted to be there. The ceremony started 30 minutes after the game. I contemplated getting up and using the restroom, thankfully, I did! (Haha, just thought to put that out there.) The speeches were touching and I really thought I was going to cry but I didn’t. Manu is such an awesome player and he has great appreciation for his fans, colleagues and especially to his family. I admire that very much and I’m sure a lot of his fans do too.

After the game and ceremony, I set out to do another Uber venture. Share a Ride was set in Lot 5 of the Parking Lot which coming out from the doors by Row 125 will be on the far left, I mean far far left. I’ve been in that parking lot before but I still didn’t know where to go. I had to google it and follow some folks around to get to where they had pick ups set up. I think it was pretty organized but it still took my Uber awhile to get to me, maybe they could do better. I contemplated riding the bus back to my Hotel just because of how long it was taking for my Uber to reach me but who knows what was out there that late of the night, so I’m still glad I took Uber. Finally, my Uber ride got to me and I was able to get to my hotel safe and sound.

Well, that’s it for my 1st day in San Antonio. I decided to make this trip a two part blog. I was only there for two days but I have so much thoughts about my experiences that it became apparent to make it a two part blog!

I hope you enjoyed reading this blog as much as I enjoyed the actual trip and I hope this encourages you to go for one too, a SOLO TRIP!

10 Ways to Decrease Negativity To Create a More Positive Life!

How to decrease negativity in your life

I know that life doesn’t always turn out as planned and negativity is inevitable but there are some ways to decrease them in your life.  Many people wait for more positive things to come along but in order for more positivism to come into your life you must work for them. You must do some serious look into what we feed our minds and our spirits. We must CREATE a positive life and provide ourselves with a space where negativity doesn’t rule our lives.

So, here are some of my key ideas to decrease negativity to live more positively:

  1. Filter the people you surround yourself with.

Always be in a place where self love can exist for you is a reminder I tell myself and the people close to me. Self Love doesn’t always exist with the people we hang out with. Sometimes you have to avoid or decrease your time with people you’ve known for years. It’s ok, it’s ok to take care of yourself first. It’s ok to realize that some people bring more negativity in your life than positive and to do something about it: avoid, lessen the time spent, etc. Life is about growing and learning what’s best for you and going for it. If you surround yourself with people who you can’t truly be yourself with then that is not a place where self love can exist for you; make necessary changes and start enjoying life more.

  1. Limit your social media binge.

I’ve recently (was able to) limit my social media used. It’s been the most active I’ve been for a while. I finished a book, I’ve been working out everyday (run, gym & yoga) I’ve been eating healthier and been thinking more positively. Social Media is like an addiction. You get succumbed to scrolling and scrolling without realizing that you’ve already spent hours and hours on it. It is the easiest past time and the most unproductive feeling you’ll ever get. So, if you can, limit your time on it. You can do so by first deciding that this is something you’d like to do & then finding ways to do so. For example, you can put a time limit to your social media use, you can just check it when you’re close to a computer (vs on your phone), you can check your social media every other day, etc. There are many ways to do this but you have to decide and then be firm and consistent with your decision.

  1. Avoid negative media: tv shows, radio stations, music etc.

Sometimes I find myself listening to a radio station where the DJ is pressuring the other DJ to do something she/he doesn’t want to do or like shows that make you sad or anxious, avoid that. Of course, everything is preference but if you find yourself sad and anxious all the time, check what you’ve been watching and listening to, it really makes a difference in your mood,  your day and just your life in general.

  1. Meditate or Pray.

Meditating and praying are often perceived as being religious, being too spiritual, etc and many people nowadays are usually afraid to be labeled as such. But, for me, meditating and praying can be however and whatever you’d like it to be; it could be religious or not; it could be spiritual or not. It’s up to you and no one else should be able to tell you what it is but yourself.

  1. Read as many books as you can.

I feel that reading changed my life so much.  With reading, I was able to learn so much more about myself. I started learning why I feel certain things and really got myself out of myself. I have come a long way but I’m sure there are still more to tackle and learn. Reading gives you the opportunity to explore parts of yourself, parts of the world and create imagination beyond the things you already know.

  1. Be thankful & proud of your progress no matter how small or big it may seem.

I cannot emphasize this enough (to myself, lol). Sometimes, you forget to be kind to yourself. One of the things I always hear from running coaches on my Nike app is being gentle to yourself. Be a kind coach, like how you would coach and be there for your friends, that’s how you should be to yourself first and foremost! So yes, celebrate every step and decrease (or if possible, eliminate) negative self talk!

  1. Find a hobby; something you can focus yourself with.

I find that people with a hobby or something to focus their minds to are very happy people. Giving yourself something to look forward to in each and everyday. For example, mine is running, I find myself looking for a run whenever things are tough vs. just sitting around and waiting for the stress to pass by. You can read a book, go for a walk etc. There are many hobbies out there that can help keep your mind at bay. You just have to find what is the right one for you.

  1. Learn to be alone and love your own company.

This one is one of the most liberating experience for me, enjoying my own company. I used to have FOMO all the time and it made it harder for me to create a positive space for myself. Realizing this, I set out a goal to one day be comfortable being alone and then boom: I was watching movies alone, dining alone and enjoying my very own company. I no longer depended on people to do things with me. In turn, I felt that I became more suitable to be around people. I also set higher standards for the energy that is around me. I am more open and confident about myself because I know that I can be happy just being by myself and my enjoyment no longer depended on whether or not I have company but depended on how I feel inside.

  1. Remind yourself that the things people do and say that hurts you are not a reflection of who you are but a reflection of how they feel about themselves & vice versa.

If you feel negatively towards others, there might be a lingering emotions or pains that you need to look into and work thru! This one is still very hard for me sometimes. It’s easier to blame that there is something wrong with other people, to not look within but it is a must. Looking within (no matter how hard it may be) gives you an opportunity to heal and ultimately living a more positive life! No more victim mode and more working on myself mode!

  1. Last but the not least, create and repeat POSITIVE “I AM” affirmations.

I wanted to include “I AM” affirmations because I am learning that whatever comes out of your mouth is what who you become! As I said before, NO MORE NEGATIVE SELF TALK, in exchange, you may start with POSITIVE SELF TALK instead! Start your day by saying positive things about yourself: I AM LOVE, I AM WORTHY, I AM STRENGTH, etc. What you say about yourself is important and it should always be filled with love towards yourself because self love ultimately leads to a more positive life!

Continue reading 10 Ways to Decrease Negativity To Create a More Positive Life!

How to be more consistent with yourself….

March 11, 2019: Today I felt refreshed, oh what a wonderful feeling.

I haven’t been myself lately and it completely took me off guard. I was super euphoric at some point and then bam I was kind of sad.

I want to study mental health more. I want to find out different ways to manage these kind of setbacks.

One of the things I keep hearing from my S.O., people I follow on IG, on YouTube and from people I admire and look up to is the word CONSISTENCY.

Oh you want to start a blog? a vlog? A business? You want to run faster and longer? The answer is consistency.

Being consistent just means showing up, doing what you said you’re going to do even on times you don’t feel like doing it. It’s fighting the curse of excuses and consistently winning over them.

In the beginning of this year, I set out to write something everyday, as much as I can. In the month of January, I was able to fulfill this goal. I wrote every night and I was able to post blogs and share them with my friends and my family. But then it got real. It got to the point where the thoughts I was writing were thoughts I did not feel comfortable enough to share, so I stopped. I was getting the gizz of it all. People were starting to follow me and at some point my page was visited more than 100 times. Why did I stop? I was so courageous and brave, I bought my domain and made my page official but then I stopped? Again, why did I stop? In the month of February, I barely wrote. I posted 2 entries on my page and didn’t share it with friends and family like I did on my other posts.

What stopped me? And what stops a lot of people from fulfilling their goals, their dreams and ultimately living the life they desire?

FEAR! For this question, Fear is the answer. A lot of the excuses that we make up are created to justify our fears. Fear of failing, fear of being ridiculed or not taken seriously, fear of judgment and many other forms of fear. Yes, fear comes in many forms and many times those fears create excuses that stop people from being consistent and firm with their plans and their ideas that ultimately prevents their consistency, leaving them stuck and afraid to move forward.

I set out to be braver this year round and my fear still got to me even with superb support system, being it my family, friends and most especially my S.O. I’ve never felt so supported and yet I still let fear hinder my consistency and most specially my growth.

Fear is truly one of the greatest enemy of consistency.

So how do you fight your fears to become more consistent with your words and your goals?

I have some ideas! I am willing to share them. They have been working for me for the past several weeks and I hope these ideas and concepts will help you be more consistent with achieving your goals:

  1. Knowing that fear is inevitable. With this in mind, I set myself up to success when I accept that fear will be present. I wonder and ponder on what might I be fearing to make up the excuses? My S.O. tells me, “don’t say you know when you really don’t.” You really have to dig deep sometimes. One of the things that helped me thru figuring out what I’m fearing is writing. I write the question, “why am I afraid of ________?” & then answer it. There are times where I would end up writing, “I don’t really fear this” at the end of my writing that leads me to realizing that the fear I have is not true and continue on to do what I set myself out to do.
  2. Lessening the pressure you put on yourself. I created a challenge to run 2 miles a day from February 11th to February 28th. I was fearful I would fail but one of the things that kept me going was reminding myself to not put so much pressure on myself. When I set up my run for the day, I quietly remind myself that “there’s no pressure & to do what I can.” Keeping that in mind put so much ease on my runs making my runs more enjoyable. I decided to share this journey on social media that ultimately led to Friends joining me on the challenge and they asked me what the rules were and I said, “No rules, No pressure.” I’ve been running for 32 days, as of March 14, 2019, way pass the time frame I had originally set out to do. I feel good and I don’t feel drained. My friends are super grateful and are happy they started the challenge too. If I had let fear set in and decided to not share my challenge, I probably wouldn’t have enjoyed it much and my friends wouldn’t have joined me. I set aside my fear of being ridiculed and my fear of failure. Setting them aside gave me the opportunity to share the joy of accomplishments with my friends and inspire people to be more active too. Not having the pressure I put on myself made myself more accountable and motivated.
  3. Be more organized. Try your best to be more organized, with your thoughts, your plans and whatever else is in your life. One night, I decided to create an online calendar, as my S.O. suggested {I talk to him a lot}. At first, I was stubborn and thought “No way!” but as soon as I started that calendar, a whole lot of thoughts and worries went out the window. I guess you carry these things on your mind too, the plans, the events, the commitments and many more. As I released these things to put on my calendar, my mind felt at ease, I don’t have to messed up things & I don’t have to miss any events. I can confidently plan, confidently think of other things, confidently focus on other things knowing that I am organized with my days. I also created tasked that I have been checking off each day that makes me feel accomplished vs it just being another day. Organizing can come in many forms too. The key idea of organizing is to have a clear path where your thoughts are not scattered and ultimately alleviate some of your fears of messing up or missing things, events or commitments.
  4. Trust yourself more. I remind myself this all the time. Part of my anxiety battles were brought about because of my self mistrust. For a while, I didn’t trust myself (at all). I’ve come a long way and realizing that Loving Yourself is Trusting Yourself changed my life {for not only the better but for the best}. Even if you fail, even if you make a mistake, even if people are against it, you have to trust that you did the best you could with whatever resources were presented and were available to you. We are all human, we are wired to fail & wired to overcome them too but when we let our fears fight our battles we really don’t get too far. Being brave and fearless can only happen if you give yourself the trust you deserve! Trust that your talented, Trust that you have something important and meaningful to say. Trust that you can inspire. Trust that you are a wonderful human being. Trust that you can overcome all your fears and Trust that you can be consistent with your plans. Just trust and believe in yourself.
  5. “Replace can’t with maybe.” by Alexi Pappas. There’s no other way to word this. I hear and read a lot about the idea that what you say and what you believe to be is actually what happens and what becomes of you. So every time I say things like “I’m not fast”, “I’m not a writer”, or “I can’t do this”, I replace them with more positive thoughts (when I catch it). I am more aware of the thoughts and words I say about myself. I remind myself of words like “not yet”, inspired by Charlie Rocket, to remind myself that there’s always opportunities for growth and even though it feels and seem unattainable, if you ignore those fears, there’s always a chance: a chance to grow, a chance to be faster, a chance to be better, a chance to be who you want yourself to be. So be inspired, follow people who started from where you think you are and witness them face their fears and fulfill the things you dream of to remind yourself that there is always a chance to “replace can’t with maybe.
  6. Another one that I [try to] do and would like to share is to celebrate every accomplishments. It doesn’t matter how small they are, those accomplishments are meant to be celebrated and be proud of. Small things could lead to big things. The little more that you do the closer you get to your goals, the BIG Things. I feel that by celebrating every accomplishments makes being consistent more enjoyable and less pressured. You finished a book, celebrate! You read 3 pages of a book, celebrate! Be grateful for yourself, for trying and for facing your fears! Celebrate yourself for getting up every morning and be grateful for being able to and being given the opportunity just to do something, anything. Celebrate the idea that you are capable and that you have all the opportunities in the world to do what you love you just have to face your fears!

Continue reading How to be more consistent with yourself….

Thankful For Him <3

February 4, 2019

How am I feeling today? I feel happy.

That’s it. That’s how today is, feeling happy (& tired actually lol I’ve been up for a while).

So today Karl and I made it official. We are together. We are going to see where this relationship will take us. We will take it day by day. I am so happy.

This week has been so wonderful to me. His visit here in Jax has brought so much joy into my life that I’ve never felt before (all I meant is it’s a different kind of joy, not that I never felt joy).

Reasons being? The whole time Karl was here I was myself………….. There was no doubt in my mind that I am comfortable being around him and that is such a wonderful feeling. We’ve talked about things I never even talked about to anyone. I wasn’t afraid to tell him things people used to call me crazy, desperate for……………….. HE just let me be. He let me be myself freely and that is as in my previous passages, is the most wonderful thing to gift someone.

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Watching The Sunrise 1.29.2019

I want to remember each moment of this day… or the day leading up to this because it was just pass 12am or so when he asked me if we could make it official………….. That took me by surprise really…………………

It’s so sad sometimes to think that all these nice things that he’s doing for me was unexpected but it shouldn’t be unexpected, that is how things are supposed to be.

I was an hour late in our meet up plan because I was thinking he was going to be late or that he was stuck in his conference and was unable to let me know he was on his way……… You see, this is such a regular occurrence for me that I just grew accustomed to it (sadly)…. I’ve dated guys who made me wait 12 hours, I dated guys who nonchalantly tells me “oh sorry, I didn’t realized you were waiting.” I dated guys who just do their thing without regards to the time I spent waiting when I could have done something else…………… No total regards that my time is being wasted waiting for a text to tell me what’s going on…………………………. I learned to be chill in this moments of waiting…………………. And now I meet this guy who is punctual, who says what he means… He told me he would leave Miami by 12 and should be in Orlando by 3…. And silly silly me for thinking he’s going to text me when he leaves and let me know if he’s done with the conference……….. 2pm comes along no text…I’m still so Chill, “Aww he’s probably having a good time in the conference, but I’m ok here i’m spending time with D & D, maybe he doesn’t want to bother me either.” This mindset is kind of making me sad………….. Haha I am numb from people not respecting my time that that’s the kind of mindset I have while waiting on someone………… Karl actually didn’t realized that I was waiting for a text that he was coming because in his mind, I should have known he was on his way……………. Yes I know Him and I need to work on our communication but to be honest, there was nothing wrong with what he did. It was me………. I was so used to people taking my time for granted that that’s what I expected from him……………………………. It wasn’t until Destinie asked me if I was sure… that I should just text him and ask… so I did….. His response “Yes ETA 3PM” like we talked about………………… I was an hour away and was still at the restaurant…I’m just so touched and amused that this guy actually respected my time………….. He didn’t even go to the conference anymore coz he wouldn’t make it on time to meet me at 3pm………………………. Who does that? WHO FREAKIN DOES THAT? NO ONE EVER CARED TO MEET ME ON TIME IF THERE WAS SOMETHING ELSE THEY ARE DOING!!! NO ONE………………. That kind of person exist? That kind of person who thinks meeting me was important..……… HE put seeing me first before anything else……………………… & I was so used to people making me wait that I ended up making him wait………………………….. The whole 1 hour drive I had I was thinking of ways to apologize, my excuses… but I couldn’t come up with a good one. I couldn’t think of anything because he didn’t deserve that………………………….. I said sorry and he said “it’s okay, are you ready?” I set my things in our room and he hugs me. He hugs me so tightly as if all that mattered was that I was there, nothing else mattered………. There was no drama, no guilt tripping, no why what happened……….. He was just happy I was there………

This person exist? All I can think about was how can I repay him for all his kindness… all I can do is to appreciate him for who he is. To give thanks to all that he does……… to appreciate him…..

It makes me feel so sad writing this. I can’t believe that he’s so sweet and nice. That the kind of guy I used to dream about is here existing right before my eyes. We shared so many moments together in just those little times that we had, can you imagine having a lifetime of days like that? I want to believe that that kind of Love can exist for me for a lifetime…………. All I need to do is be grateful for each moments we have.. That’s it. Just need to be super grateful.

So as our afternoon continues, we go to see Orlando eye. I hug him as we walked…….. He offered his arms and I obliged whilst still hugging him. Haha I just couldn’t get enough about how freaking grateful I was!!!!!!!!!!!! ALL I CAN THINK ABOUT while in line to go to the Orlando Eye Ferris Wheel was “I LIKE THIS GUY so much” on repeat!

Well, as always, thank you so much for reading my thoughts. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it.

Love always.

Yours Truly Yours,

Piawia <3

 

February 4, 2019 <3

What Kind of Love Am I Looking For?

January 21, 2019

The question at this very moment: What kind of love am I looking for?

This question came to me as I was scrolling thru my IG account. 

The best gift you are ever going to give someone: the permission to feel safe in their own skin. To feel worthy. To feel like they are enough. – Hannah Brencher

It made me wonder about what kind of love/relationship am I looking for…. 

I want a love that challenges me, scares me but never ever changes me………

I keep repeating it to myself. Just be yourself. Be the best version of yourself!

Even while jotting down the things I’ve learned about life and how wonderful it is to be me, I still get my moments. I get embarrassed sometimes because the very friends I inspire and give encouragement and support to are also the friends who I run to when I am having my own issues. But they don’t care, they still love me.

I feel like that is true friendship, sharing the things you learn and inspiring each other to becoming the very best. I think that is some sweet stuff, when you can be completely yourself with your friends without being afraid of being judged. Isn’t that a wonderful thing?

Sometimes friends will need you and sometimes you’ll need them, & there is nothing wrong with that.

I came to realize that the kind of love I’ve been looking for has always been around me anyways.

The kind of love I’ve been looking for has always been here with me… & for many years I struggled with looking so hard for this kind of love. I forced people to stay with me, to do things that are out of themselves just to love me exactly how my friends and my family has always loved me.

I feel like this kind of revelations always come to me…. But without the sense of security within myself, it never stuck. I felt so insecure and lost for many years and finding my true self again has opened up a new world for me.

Yes, I still get hit with anxiety, things/situations still trigger self sabotaging acts, but this time, I know I got my friends, I know I got myself, I know I got my family and there is nothing else I’ll need.

It is true, we need to appreciate the ones that matter the most to us and they are the ones that let you be you, no matter what.

So if any one new comes along I am going to make sure I am going to be myself 100%. 

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Enjoy each moment.

 

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TRUST

A Letter From Me To Younger Me <3

January 20, 2019

The power of self-love, got me craving for some me time!

I wanted to write something to younger me. I want to write her a letter, for all those lost & troubled times and for moments that younger me never felt loved. So, here it is:

Dearest Younger Me,

(A Letter Inspired by Alexi Pappas)

From the beginning of time, you have been given this journey to grow and learn. Hold on there! You are doing amazing and I am super proud of you. In this journey, you will learn all of the things I list below, yes, it seems far from true but one day you will learn to trust me too.

1. When given a chance, always choose to see the Sunrise…

Sunrise (& Sunsets) are always beautiful and every single one of them will remind you how truly blessed you are & starting over is not such a bad thing.

2. Never doubt yourself, better yet, never let others put doubts in your head…

In life, negativity is a given thing, power thru them anyways. You are far more powerful than the negativity that will come your way.

3. Believe in who you are…

Learn to love yourself for exactly who you are. Remember that the world is a better place because you are in it! <3

4. Love is always the answer..

When fear comes along, remember to always choose the path of love and it will lead you to the right place.

5. Forgiveness is the key to a loving heart, always choose it & choose it fast…. 

Forgiveness is hard but also the most important thing to learn! Let go of what if & what’s not. Let the joy of accepting what is come into your life.

6. You’ll feel like you’ll need to prove yourself to people, Don’t.

Always choose to be brave, say what you feel, say what you mean and let your inner guide lead you… It will never let you go astray……

7. Always be in a place where self-love can exist for you…

Avoid places, people and situations that doesn’t feel like love… if you ever find yourself in these places, you can always leave and that is completely ok! Always choose what is truly good for you!

8. The YOU now is just as deserving as the better you you are waiting for…..

No need to wait to feel worthy, you are always worthy, remember that always!

9. Focus on what is best for you, and the rest will follow…………..

Your main goal in this life is to be happy, so be that, do only things that make you happy and don’t let anyone distract you from achieving true happiness……. & If you do get distracted it’s ok, let it go, forgive yourself & choose again. 

~Always Choose Love Over Fear!~

Yours Truly Yours,

Piawia!

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Est. 1.19.2019 “Training is like building a sandcastle. Each grain of sand is important, even if you can’t see them all”
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Sunset ~ Est. 1.19.2019
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Sunrise ~ Est. 1.20.2019
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Sunrise ~ Est. 1.20.2019
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Sunrise ~ Est. 1.19.2019