I’m ok with who I am!

I’m ok with who I am!

Repeat after me: I’m ok with who I am! 10x

My friends, it’s time! It’s time for us to stop comparing, to stop wanting something to be something else! It’s time for us to be happy with who we are now.

I was listening to Joel Osteen’s podcast, Be Comfortable With Who You Are , he talked about running your own race.. being able to celebrate others without feeling like you have to catch up… he told a story about how he focused so much on passing someone while on a run he didn’t realized he was 6 blocks away from his house! That’s what happens when you focus on other people’s race. You make it longer for you to reach your destination.

The podcast inspired me to write about being happy with who we are!

• Do you not feel happy with who you are?

• Do you find yourself always wanting to change?

• Do you find yourself always comparing yourself and your journey from others?

Well, if your answer is yes to any of the questions above, you need to stop it! Stop it already!

God created us to be exactly who we are.

Everyone was created to fulfill a purpose that is different for everyone! No one is ever more special than you to God. We are all equal in his eyes. He doesn’t care if you make the most money or if you have all the degrees in the world! He only cares about how and what you do with your life’s purpose.

The more you love yourself the more you open yourself up to God’s purpose for you!

Remind yourself everyday to Love every single bit of you, from your body to your mind and to your soul & spirit! It’s you, it’s always been you!

You don’t have to be the skinniest or the fastest, the smartest or the prettiest! What matters is what’s in your heart and that you be the best you you can ever be.

A heart filled with love will be much more beneficial for you than a heart filled with discontent.

Everyday, every minute repeat the mantra: I am ok with who I am!

Every time doubt cripples in: I am ok with who I am!

Every time you feel behind: I am ok with who I am!

Every time someone mocks you, disrespects you: I am ok with who I am!

Keep that in mind: I am ok with who I am!

What’s for you will be for you! You just have to love YOU and let the rest flow naturally!

xoxo

@piawiaventures!

I’m ok with who I am! I’m ok with who I am!
Once we accept ourselves unconditionally, no matter where we are, it will feel like home. Self Love

Reference:

Joel Osteen, Podcast “Be Comfortable With Who You Are”

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/joel-osteen-podcast/id137254859?i=1000444682756

Melody Beatle, Journey to the Heart, Daily Meditation on the Path to Freeing Your Soul

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Marathon Training – Week 6 #roadtoberlinmarathon2019

Ahhhhhhhh!!! Week 6 got me beat! This week has been super tough for my training/running. 

Sunday Morning, the first day of my week 6, I set out to run 4 miles. I started a little bit later than usual, I had a hard time waking up. Maybe my body was tired and for some reason I was not mentally prepared. (Week 5 was too good, lol) So I went out there in the middle of the blazing sun and decided to go for my 4 miles. The first 2 miles went so well. I was running under the shades and it felt good! As soon as I turn around to finish my last 2 miles, I felt light headed (and hungry). I was hungry!! I couldn’t get myself to run the last 2 miles. Instead, I  did the run/walk method with more walks (lol). I still did it! 

The next day was speedwork, I’ve never done such a thing! I hope I knew what I was doing. I only had an hour before I had to get ready for work to finish this task. With 400 meters in 5k pace (10 minutes for me) 12x and 400 meter jog 12x! Of course the first couple of 400 meters went fine! “I can do this”, my mind thought and I did but I didn’t have enough time so I started cutting off 400 meter jogs into 200 meters just to compensate for the time. I ended up doing the 400 meters in 5K pace 9x. I had to stop at the 9th because I had to get ready for work. I still did it! 

Oh how I love rest day, Tuesday was a rest day!

Wednesday came along and it was the tempo run! I had a good amount of sleep I believe but I still felt so restless. I ended up doing 4 miles instead of 5! Oh this week did not go as planned but I still did it! 

On Thursday, it was an easy 4 mile run. This one went okay, I felt a little bit more rested but still not the same energy that I had for week 5! I took it easy. I figured this week is just not my super star week but I’m going to look back and say at least “I still did it!

Friday was the first 8 mile run! I couldn’t do it before work so I had to wait in the afternoon. I had such a busy day at work this day and when I got home I did not think I had the right mindset to run and finish 8 miles! I was mentally tired from all the anxiety I went through at work. I took a deep breath, ate some apples, did a 10 minute meditation and went out and did the work! I finished my first 8 miles in 12:50 min pace per mile! Not bad! I ran most of it! Usually after 4 or 5 miles I start to do my run/walk method which I could still manage to do a good time but this time I didn’t feel like stopping. I just had to stop and wait for the crossing signals to turn GO! I believe this 8 mile run is my most successful run for the week! I did it and I’m thankful that I did!

It’s Saturday morning and I am up later than usual at 7 a.m. I ate breakfast, stretched  and foam rolled and got myself ready to run. I decided to run in the park to have access to more shade. I had to run the loop at the park 5x to complete the 8 miles scheduled. The first mile was hard at first, I kept telling myself, “I am tired, I am tired.” I had to change my mindset. I knew that I wasn’t gonna last very long if I kept repeating that in my head. I was able to run the first 2 miles with fine colors but the rest was a struggle. I couldn’t run the 3rd loop (4th & 5th mile). I walked all of my 5th mile and decided that I couldn’t give anymore. I was hungry and tired but I still did it! 

I don’t really know what happened for me this week. I started doubting a lot of things. Did I pick the right training method? Am I losing my motivation? Can I do it? I started thinking about things I can do to give myself, my body more time to rest, “maybe I’ll do yoga on this day instead of running?”; “maybe I’ll take this day as a rest day?”; “maybe maybe maybe!” I don’t know yet for certain what I’ll be doing but I’ll continue to look at the calendar and continue to do what I can. I still did my best! I still did it! I got the job done. Sometimes it was short, sometimes it was low but I was out there! 

These kind of days are meant to happen, right? Or is this the kind of days coaches are made for? I wish I can afford to hire a coach! I wish I could find a good running buddy that could run with me on these kind of days! But I am also grateful to myself and my body for pushing thru some tough times even when no one is out there cheering her on! Clap clap clap to myself! Lol 

I’m so funny! But that’s it for my WEEK 6 of the #HansonMarathonMethod! I hope all of you doing this method are having a wonderful time. Know that if we push through this training schedule we will be one of the toughest kiddos out there! 

Happy Running! 

Sincerely, 

Piawia!

“Every Step is a Step!” – Alexi Pappas <3

I also got new shoes this week! maybe that’s why my legs felt heavy and tired: working hard breaking it in! (LOL) Please see below my lovely Brooks Adrenaline #19! #RunHappy!

New Shoes! #Adrenaline

On to the Next Thing… Berlin Marathon 2019

I’m about to start my Marathon Training for the 2019 Berlin Marathon! 

What are my thoughts? 

  • I’m incredibly nervous that I’m going to slack off and just not do any of the training. (I did slack off a little bit for my Chicago Marathon training last year. Instead of running a lot, I did yoga a lot! LOL Well, it gave me a profound experience with yoga and I enjoyed every bit of it anyways. But this year, I’m going to run more and do yoga and other cross-training I could think of.) 
  • I’m incredibly nervous about injuring myself. (My right leg hasn’t been itself since that one Pole fitness class and I’ve been trying to recover since. It’s getting better though.) 
  • I’m incredibly nervous about Florida weather! It’s so HOT outside already! (I just need to start running in the morning which means sleeping earlier and waking up earlier. I can do that. I just need to be more consistent.) 
  • Will I be more prepared this time around? (I do still have plenty of time. I really need to stop putting so much pressure on myself coz it makes me not want to do anything at all. Writing helps, as I am going thru the lists of my thoughts, it helps to narrow them down and have a more organized focus on things that I am worrying about. lol) 
  • Should I try to PR? (I should at least try, right?. I am in better shape now than when I started training for Chicago Marathon 2018. At least, I also know what I am getting myself into so I can be more prepared and ready.)
  • I want to enjoy this race and experience even more than I enjoyed Chicago. (I’ll prepare more travel planning. I really didn’t do any of that for Chicago. So we didn’t get to see the city for the beauty it was. I can’t wait. I’m going to see so many beautiful things in Berlin and I already feel myself wanting to stay or go back soon. I know I know! I haven’t even book my flight yet but if you know me well my excitement about beautiful places starts early and last a lifetime.) (Side Note: Italy is still my favorite, as of May 17, 2019) 
  • What should I eat? How should I healthily fuel my body for the many training and the actual marathon itself? (I really want to be more educated nutrition wise. I want to not depend so much on artificial things that are unhealthy and not necessary. I encountered a really nice podcast (https://jayshetty.me/dr-daniel-amen/) that talks about our brain! It really made me think of everything that I do and what I feed my body. Yes! Listen to that Podcast! It’s pretty cool. So after listening to that podcast, I’ve been very mindful about taking care of my brain, myself! One of the things it talks about is only doing things that is good for your brain and that includes eating healthy brain boosting foods! So yeah that’s one of the things I’ve been working on.)
  • So with that in mind, Should I stop drinking alcohol again this time around like I did for my Chicago Training?  Ha! I still have 2 bottles of wine that are super unopened! lol Maybe they will be the last ones I’ll drink. IDK. Alcohol is not good for your brain and I believe not drinking helped me with my training last year because I was able to keep my body super hydrated and on the weekends where I did drink some alcohol I ended up being lethargic for a whole week, making training a bit harder. So Yeah. I think I’m leaning towards not drinking again for this training. lol 

Anyways, these are just some of my thoughts before I start my Marathon Training next week. It’s going to be amazing and exciting and also very nerve wracking! Please wish me luck! I’m going to need plenty of positive vibes! 

Thanks guys and ladies for reading my thoughts! I hope you enjoyed it! 

Please Like, Share, Follow and Leave me a Comment! 

~ Yours Truly Yours, 

Piawia!  

 

 

Some Notes: 

Positive Vibes Wednesday – 4.17.2019

I’d like to start your Wednesday with some positivism! I intend to post more positive things each week or so! 

So, here is a lovely poem, empowering women to see themselves as the wonderful phenomenal women that we are! 

Phenomenal Woman 

by Maya Angelou 

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I’m not cute or built to suit a fashion model’s size   
But when I start to tell them,
They think I’m telling lies.
I say,
It’s in the reach of my arms,
The span of my hips,   
The stride of my step,   
The curl of my lips.   
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,   
That’s me.
I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,   
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.   
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.   
I say,
It’s the fire in my eyes,   
And the flash of my teeth,   
The swing in my waist,   
And the joy in my feet.   
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.
Men themselves have wondered   
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can’t touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them,   
They say they still can’t see.   
I say,
It’s in the arch of my back,   
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.
Now you understand
Just why my head’s not bowed.   
I don’t shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.   
When you see me passing,
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It’s in the click of my heels,   
The bend of my hair,   
the palm of my hand,   
The need for my care.   
’Cause I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.

What a wonderful day it is to be a woman! Yesterday, on my way home from work, I was listening to Oprah’s Super Soul Podcast and I ran into this one with her reading Maya Angelou’s poem. In her podcast, she reminds us to be ourselves. She reminds us that our sole goal in life is to be the best selves we can ever be! It’s funny because the chapter in the book I was reading (Girl Stop Apologizing by Rachel Hollis) said the same thing! What a coincidence?! Both Oprah’s podcast and Rachel’s book remind us that our job, especially as women, is to be ourselves, to stop asking for permission to be ourselves, to be true to ourselves. The people who are truly meant to stay and matter in our lives will love us despite them not understanding, despite them not agreeing. Even if you change, the people who truly matter should be the people who will love you for exactly who you are! 

So this is my positive vibes Wednesday! I hope you get inspired and motivated today to be who you truly are. Just be yourself! Be the bravey you want to see in the world! 

Happy Happy Wednesday! ‘Til Next Time! 

Yours Truly Yours, 

Piawia! 

<3

Notes:

  • Phenomenal Woman Poem by Maya Angelou
  • Super Soul Podcast with Oprah Winfrey
  • Girl Stop Apologizing by Rachel Hollis

10 Ways to Decrease Negativity To Create a More Positive Life!

How to decrease negativity in your life

I know that life doesn’t always turn out as planned and negativity is inevitable but there are some ways to decrease them in your life.  Many people wait for more positive things to come along but in order for more positivism to come into your life you must work for them. You must do some serious look into what we feed our minds and our spirits. We must CREATE a positive life and provide ourselves with a space where negativity doesn’t rule our lives.

So, here are some of my key ideas to decrease negativity to live more positively:

  1. Filter the people you surround yourself with.

Always be in a place where self love can exist for you is a reminder I tell myself and the people close to me. Self Love doesn’t always exist with the people we hang out with. Sometimes you have to avoid or decrease your time with people you’ve known for years. It’s ok, it’s ok to take care of yourself first. It’s ok to realize that some people bring more negativity in your life than positive and to do something about it: avoid, lessen the time spent, etc. Life is about growing and learning what’s best for you and going for it. If you surround yourself with people who you can’t truly be yourself with then that is not a place where self love can exist for you; make necessary changes and start enjoying life more.

  1. Limit your social media binge.

I’ve recently (was able to) limit my social media used. It’s been the most active I’ve been for a while. I finished a book, I’ve been working out everyday (run, gym & yoga) I’ve been eating healthier and been thinking more positively. Social Media is like an addiction. You get succumbed to scrolling and scrolling without realizing that you’ve already spent hours and hours on it. It is the easiest past time and the most unproductive feeling you’ll ever get. So, if you can, limit your time on it. You can do so by first deciding that this is something you’d like to do & then finding ways to do so. For example, you can put a time limit to your social media use, you can just check it when you’re close to a computer (vs on your phone), you can check your social media every other day, etc. There are many ways to do this but you have to decide and then be firm and consistent with your decision.

  1. Avoid negative media: tv shows, radio stations, music etc.

Sometimes I find myself listening to a radio station where the DJ is pressuring the other DJ to do something she/he doesn’t want to do or like shows that make you sad or anxious, avoid that. Of course, everything is preference but if you find yourself sad and anxious all the time, check what you’ve been watching and listening to, it really makes a difference in your mood,  your day and just your life in general.

  1. Meditate or Pray.

Meditating and praying are often perceived as being religious, being too spiritual, etc and many people nowadays are usually afraid to be labeled as such. But, for me, meditating and praying can be however and whatever you’d like it to be; it could be religious or not; it could be spiritual or not. It’s up to you and no one else should be able to tell you what it is but yourself.

  1. Read as many books as you can.

I feel that reading changed my life so much.  With reading, I was able to learn so much more about myself. I started learning why I feel certain things and really got myself out of myself. I have come a long way but I’m sure there are still more to tackle and learn. Reading gives you the opportunity to explore parts of yourself, parts of the world and create imagination beyond the things you already know.

  1. Be thankful & proud of your progress no matter how small or big it may seem.

I cannot emphasize this enough (to myself, lol). Sometimes, you forget to be kind to yourself. One of the things I always hear from running coaches on my Nike app is being gentle to yourself. Be a kind coach, like how you would coach and be there for your friends, that’s how you should be to yourself first and foremost! So yes, celebrate every step and decrease (or if possible, eliminate) negative self talk!

  1. Find a hobby; something you can focus yourself with.

I find that people with a hobby or something to focus their minds to are very happy people. Giving yourself something to look forward to in each and everyday. For example, mine is running, I find myself looking for a run whenever things are tough vs. just sitting around and waiting for the stress to pass by. You can read a book, go for a walk etc. There are many hobbies out there that can help keep your mind at bay. You just have to find what is the right one for you.

  1. Learn to be alone and love your own company.

This one is one of the most liberating experience for me, enjoying my own company. I used to have FOMO all the time and it made it harder for me to create a positive space for myself. Realizing this, I set out a goal to one day be comfortable being alone and then boom: I was watching movies alone, dining alone and enjoying my very own company. I no longer depended on people to do things with me. In turn, I felt that I became more suitable to be around people. I also set higher standards for the energy that is around me. I am more open and confident about myself because I know that I can be happy just being by myself and my enjoyment no longer depended on whether or not I have company but depended on how I feel inside.

  1. Remind yourself that the things people do and say that hurts you are not a reflection of who you are but a reflection of how they feel about themselves & vice versa.

If you feel negatively towards others, there might be a lingering emotions or pains that you need to look into and work thru! This one is still very hard for me sometimes. It’s easier to blame that there is something wrong with other people, to not look within but it is a must. Looking within (no matter how hard it may be) gives you an opportunity to heal and ultimately living a more positive life! No more victim mode and more working on myself mode!

  1. Last but the not least, create and repeat POSITIVE “I AM” affirmations.

I wanted to include “I AM” affirmations because I am learning that whatever comes out of your mouth is what who you become! As I said before, NO MORE NEGATIVE SELF TALK, in exchange, you may start with POSITIVE SELF TALK instead! Start your day by saying positive things about yourself: I AM LOVE, I AM WORTHY, I AM STRENGTH, etc. What you say about yourself is important and it should always be filled with love towards yourself because self love ultimately leads to a more positive life!

Continue reading 10 Ways to Decrease Negativity To Create a More Positive Life!

How to be more consistent with yourself….

March 11, 2019: Today I felt refreshed, oh what a wonderful feeling.

I haven’t been myself lately and it completely took me off guard. I was super euphoric at some point and then bam I was kind of sad.

I want to study mental health more. I want to find out different ways to manage these kind of setbacks.

One of the things I keep hearing from my S.O., people I follow on IG, on YouTube and from people I admire and look up to is the word CONSISTENCY.

Oh you want to start a blog? a vlog? A business? You want to run faster and longer? The answer is consistency.

Being consistent just means showing up, doing what you said you’re going to do even on times you don’t feel like doing it. It’s fighting the curse of excuses and consistently winning over them.

In the beginning of this year, I set out to write something everyday, as much as I can. In the month of January, I was able to fulfill this goal. I wrote every night and I was able to post blogs and share them with my friends and my family. But then it got real. It got to the point where the thoughts I was writing were thoughts I did not feel comfortable enough to share, so I stopped. I was getting the gizz of it all. People were starting to follow me and at some point my page was visited more than 100 times. Why did I stop? I was so courageous and brave, I bought my domain and made my page official but then I stopped? Again, why did I stop? In the month of February, I barely wrote. I posted 2 entries on my page and didn’t share it with friends and family like I did on my other posts.

What stopped me? And what stops a lot of people from fulfilling their goals, their dreams and ultimately living the life they desire?

FEAR! For this question, Fear is the answer. A lot of the excuses that we make up are created to justify our fears. Fear of failing, fear of being ridiculed or not taken seriously, fear of judgment and many other forms of fear. Yes, fear comes in many forms and many times those fears create excuses that stop people from being consistent and firm with their plans and their ideas that ultimately prevents their consistency, leaving them stuck and afraid to move forward.

I set out to be braver this year round and my fear still got to me even with superb support system, being it my family, friends and most especially my S.O. I’ve never felt so supported and yet I still let fear hinder my consistency and most specially my growth.

Fear is truly one of the greatest enemy of consistency.

So how do you fight your fears to become more consistent with your words and your goals?

I have some ideas! I am willing to share them. They have been working for me for the past several weeks and I hope these ideas and concepts will help you be more consistent with achieving your goals:

  1. Knowing that fear is inevitable. With this in mind, I set myself up to success when I accept that fear will be present. I wonder and ponder on what might I be fearing to make up the excuses? My S.O. tells me, “don’t say you know when you really don’t.” You really have to dig deep sometimes. One of the things that helped me thru figuring out what I’m fearing is writing. I write the question, “why am I afraid of ________?” & then answer it. There are times where I would end up writing, “I don’t really fear this” at the end of my writing that leads me to realizing that the fear I have is not true and continue on to do what I set myself out to do.
  2. Lessening the pressure you put on yourself. I created a challenge to run 2 miles a day from February 11th to February 28th. I was fearful I would fail but one of the things that kept me going was reminding myself to not put so much pressure on myself. When I set up my run for the day, I quietly remind myself that “there’s no pressure & to do what I can.” Keeping that in mind put so much ease on my runs making my runs more enjoyable. I decided to share this journey on social media that ultimately led to Friends joining me on the challenge and they asked me what the rules were and I said, “No rules, No pressure.” I’ve been running for 32 days, as of March 14, 2019, way pass the time frame I had originally set out to do. I feel good and I don’t feel drained. My friends are super grateful and are happy they started the challenge too. If I had let fear set in and decided to not share my challenge, I probably wouldn’t have enjoyed it much and my friends wouldn’t have joined me. I set aside my fear of being ridiculed and my fear of failure. Setting them aside gave me the opportunity to share the joy of accomplishments with my friends and inspire people to be more active too. Not having the pressure I put on myself made myself more accountable and motivated.
  3. Be more organized. Try your best to be more organized, with your thoughts, your plans and whatever else is in your life. One night, I decided to create an online calendar, as my S.O. suggested {I talk to him a lot}. At first, I was stubborn and thought “No way!” but as soon as I started that calendar, a whole lot of thoughts and worries went out the window. I guess you carry these things on your mind too, the plans, the events, the commitments and many more. As I released these things to put on my calendar, my mind felt at ease, I don’t have to messed up things & I don’t have to miss any events. I can confidently plan, confidently think of other things, confidently focus on other things knowing that I am organized with my days. I also created tasked that I have been checking off each day that makes me feel accomplished vs it just being another day. Organizing can come in many forms too. The key idea of organizing is to have a clear path where your thoughts are not scattered and ultimately alleviate some of your fears of messing up or missing things, events or commitments.
  4. Trust yourself more. I remind myself this all the time. Part of my anxiety battles were brought about because of my self mistrust. For a while, I didn’t trust myself (at all). I’ve come a long way and realizing that Loving Yourself is Trusting Yourself changed my life {for not only the better but for the best}. Even if you fail, even if you make a mistake, even if people are against it, you have to trust that you did the best you could with whatever resources were presented and were available to you. We are all human, we are wired to fail & wired to overcome them too but when we let our fears fight our battles we really don’t get too far. Being brave and fearless can only happen if you give yourself the trust you deserve! Trust that your talented, Trust that you have something important and meaningful to say. Trust that you can inspire. Trust that you are a wonderful human being. Trust that you can overcome all your fears and Trust that you can be consistent with your plans. Just trust and believe in yourself.
  5. “Replace can’t with maybe.” by Alexi Pappas. There’s no other way to word this. I hear and read a lot about the idea that what you say and what you believe to be is actually what happens and what becomes of you. So every time I say things like “I’m not fast”, “I’m not a writer”, or “I can’t do this”, I replace them with more positive thoughts (when I catch it). I am more aware of the thoughts and words I say about myself. I remind myself of words like “not yet”, inspired by Charlie Rocket, to remind myself that there’s always opportunities for growth and even though it feels and seem unattainable, if you ignore those fears, there’s always a chance: a chance to grow, a chance to be faster, a chance to be better, a chance to be who you want yourself to be. So be inspired, follow people who started from where you think you are and witness them face their fears and fulfill the things you dream of to remind yourself that there is always a chance to “replace can’t with maybe.
  6. Another one that I [try to] do and would like to share is to celebrate every accomplishments. It doesn’t matter how small they are, those accomplishments are meant to be celebrated and be proud of. Small things could lead to big things. The little more that you do the closer you get to your goals, the BIG Things. I feel that by celebrating every accomplishments makes being consistent more enjoyable and less pressured. You finished a book, celebrate! You read 3 pages of a book, celebrate! Be grateful for yourself, for trying and for facing your fears! Celebrate yourself for getting up every morning and be grateful for being able to and being given the opportunity just to do something, anything. Celebrate the idea that you are capable and that you have all the opportunities in the world to do what you love you just have to face your fears!

Continue reading How to be more consistent with yourself….

Forgive, Forget & Love.

January 13, 2019

Today, I realized that I want to write about so many things. As I am starting to type I couldn’t think of putting all my thoughts into one passage. This weekend blessed me with a God Daughter, a 13.1 Mile Finish, a Bullseye, a Spotless Clean Car {for my Dad} & a moment with God I haven’t had in a while, all of which made me grateful for life itself!

 

In this blog, I want to write about my Dad. I’ve been meaning to write about this because this is so close to my heart. MY DAD HAD A STROKE. For the very first time in my life my actual fear happened. I always worried about my parents getting sick and worry about what I would do &  what would happen & then it happens. I was overwhelmed with worry & confusion.

With this incident, I learned a lot about myself and what it means to have a family. You see, not many people know this about me, I was losing faith in mine. The day before my Dad had the stroke, I was angry. Angry at the world for not having my back. I preached and I preached about believing in the Universe but yet I was angry with myself for not trusting that my family had my back. My anger and grudge towards my family caused me to distant myself from them for a while. Of course, they did not know this, it’s not their fault. It was something inside me, I know that my family was there deep inside but the surface part of me was so broken I couldn’t see it myself.  

When the stroke happened to my Dad all of my anger and resentments went away. None of those stupid things mattered. I am just happy he is here with us today. I feel like my family and I are much stronger now than ever.

When that happened so many doors opened up for me. My heart was healed and my mind was clearer: none of those things are more important than loving my family no matter what.

When that happened I realized how short life truly is. I realized how much could change in a day, in an hour, in a minute, in seconds.

When that happened I realized to be grateful for what I have, for what is, for what was and for what is there to come.

When that happened I realized how important it is to learn to love others unconditionally by learning to love myself unconditionally. A different view in life came to me telling me the right way to love someone {I have my Mom to thank for that}.

When that happened I was faced with the reality that I have been selfish.

When that happened I was face with the reality that no one is perfect and that everyone is just doing the best that they could.

When that happened I realized how much my family means the world to me.

When that happened I realized that I was so broken and inflicting all my wounds to my family.

There are many many more things I learned in just that one day. That one moment that changed my life. That one moment that made me want to cherish my time with my parents, to cherish moments of joy and laughter with my family. That one moment that made me realized that I had to heal for others. That one moment that changed my life is the moment I thought I could lose my FATHER. (He is ok, by the way)

“It takes us losing something, someone, ourselves or time to truly appreciate what we once took for granted. I don’t want loss to be the eye opening moment anymore. Why are we so blind to good things?” – Kyle Fasel

Learn to heal yourself instead of inflicting your pain onto others. Learn to heal yourself so that you may cherish the most important people in your life the right way. Learn to heal yourself so that you won’t have any regrets. Learn to heal yourself so that you may help others heal themselves. Learn to heal yourself because you are the only one that could.

My love for my family is an epitome of trust, acceptance (for what is) & forgiveness. Without them my world will never be the same.

 

FORGIVING OUR PARENTS, OUR FRIENDS, OURSELVES

“The holiest of all spots on earth is where an ancient hatred has become a present love.” – A Return to Love, Marianne Williamson.

As always, Thank you for taking a moment to read my thoughts.

Yours Truly Yours,

Piawia.

Thankful For Him <3

February 4, 2019

How am I feeling today? I feel happy.

That’s it. That’s how today is, feeling happy (& tired actually lol I’ve been up for a while).

So today Karl and I made it official. We are together. We are going to see where this relationship will take us. We will take it day by day. I am so happy.

This week has been so wonderful to me. His visit here in Jax has brought so much joy into my life that I’ve never felt before (all I meant is it’s a different kind of joy, not that I never felt joy).

Reasons being? The whole time Karl was here I was myself………….. There was no doubt in my mind that I am comfortable being around him and that is such a wonderful feeling. We’ve talked about things I never even talked about to anyone. I wasn’t afraid to tell him things people used to call me crazy, desperate for……………….. HE just let me be. He let me be myself freely and that is as in my previous passages, is the most wonderful thing to gift someone.

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Watching The Sunrise 1.29.2019

I want to remember each moment of this day… or the day leading up to this because it was just pass 12am or so when he asked me if we could make it official………….. That took me by surprise really…………………

It’s so sad sometimes to think that all these nice things that he’s doing for me was unexpected but it shouldn’t be unexpected, that is how things are supposed to be.

I was an hour late in our meet up plan because I was thinking he was going to be late or that he was stuck in his conference and was unable to let me know he was on his way……… You see, this is such a regular occurrence for me that I just grew accustomed to it (sadly)…. I’ve dated guys who made me wait 12 hours, I dated guys who nonchalantly tells me “oh sorry, I didn’t realized you were waiting.” I dated guys who just do their thing without regards to the time I spent waiting when I could have done something else…………… No total regards that my time is being wasted waiting for a text to tell me what’s going on…………………………. I learned to be chill in this moments of waiting…………………. And now I meet this guy who is punctual, who says what he means… He told me he would leave Miami by 12 and should be in Orlando by 3…. And silly silly me for thinking he’s going to text me when he leaves and let me know if he’s done with the conference……….. 2pm comes along no text…I’m still so Chill, “Aww he’s probably having a good time in the conference, but I’m ok here i’m spending time with D & D, maybe he doesn’t want to bother me either.” This mindset is kind of making me sad………….. Haha I am numb from people not respecting my time that that’s the kind of mindset I have while waiting on someone………… Karl actually didn’t realized that I was waiting for a text that he was coming because in his mind, I should have known he was on his way……………. Yes I know Him and I need to work on our communication but to be honest, there was nothing wrong with what he did. It was me………. I was so used to people taking my time for granted that that’s what I expected from him……………………………. It wasn’t until Destinie asked me if I was sure… that I should just text him and ask… so I did….. His response “Yes ETA 3PM” like we talked about………………… I was an hour away and was still at the restaurant…I’m just so touched and amused that this guy actually respected my time………….. He didn’t even go to the conference anymore coz he wouldn’t make it on time to meet me at 3pm………………………. Who does that? WHO FREAKIN DOES THAT? NO ONE EVER CARED TO MEET ME ON TIME IF THERE WAS SOMETHING ELSE THEY ARE DOING!!! NO ONE………………. That kind of person exist? That kind of person who thinks meeting me was important..……… HE put seeing me first before anything else……………………… & I was so used to people making me wait that I ended up making him wait………………………….. The whole 1 hour drive I had I was thinking of ways to apologize, my excuses… but I couldn’t come up with a good one. I couldn’t think of anything because he didn’t deserve that………………………….. I said sorry and he said “it’s okay, are you ready?” I set my things in our room and he hugs me. He hugs me so tightly as if all that mattered was that I was there, nothing else mattered………. There was no drama, no guilt tripping, no why what happened……….. He was just happy I was there………

This person exist? All I can think about was how can I repay him for all his kindness… all I can do is to appreciate him for who he is. To give thanks to all that he does……… to appreciate him…..

It makes me feel so sad writing this. I can’t believe that he’s so sweet and nice. That the kind of guy I used to dream about is here existing right before my eyes. We shared so many moments together in just those little times that we had, can you imagine having a lifetime of days like that? I want to believe that that kind of Love can exist for me for a lifetime…………. All I need to do is be grateful for each moments we have.. That’s it. Just need to be super grateful.

So as our afternoon continues, we go to see Orlando eye. I hug him as we walked…….. He offered his arms and I obliged whilst still hugging him. Haha I just couldn’t get enough about how freaking grateful I was!!!!!!!!!!!! ALL I CAN THINK ABOUT while in line to go to the Orlando Eye Ferris Wheel was “I LIKE THIS GUY so much” on repeat!

Well, as always, thank you so much for reading my thoughts. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it.

Love always.

Yours Truly Yours,

Piawia <3

 

February 4, 2019 <3

Best Damn Race – Jax – 2019

How was this race for me?

It was challenging… I haven’t been running much and I feel like I am taking running a little bit for granted. I haven’t been training and yet I challenged myself into running half marathons without training just because in my mind, I CAN. It can be both a good thing and a bad thing depending on what side of my head you are on.

It’s a good thing, because I know what my body is capable of and a good thing because I am always able to finish any race, no matter what distance, I sign up for. Good for me!

& Yet, I feel, as though, I disrespected the race because I know there are people who took their time to train and get ready for these kind of races. Please forgive me. I admire you and all your hard work and I promise I will train and do better on my next races. So BDR, is the last Half Marathon I signed up for, for now, at least for the beginning of this year. No worries, I have a lot more other races lined up for the year but I just wanted to take it easy and reboot myself back into training and getting my running and strength training going.

Best Damn Race did not disappoint. I enjoyed every single moment of it. I was super excited when I got my running packet, with my Bib, my shirt & a pair of SOCKS! It was a bit of a surprise for me to be able to grab a pair of socks in there (HAHA moment). Yes the little things in these races can be very unique and uplifting.

On the day of the race, January 12, 2019:

I woke up at 4:30 A.M. (just thought I’d put that out there because that made me so proud of myself.)

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Books I Skimmed Through Before The Race.
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 An Episode of FRIENDS that I Watched While Getting Ready.

When I got to the Landing, where it started, I got a sense of excitement from the people around me. Running events always have that type of vibes anyways. Everyone is so friendly, commenting on my roll of tissue paper, “I should have brought one, I need that.” Of course, I offered. Just a background on that, I have been listening to Coach B on the Nike App and in one of his training sessions, he talked about practicing gratitude for everything during race day; the people that helped organized it, the volunteers, everyone and everything! One of the things he does to show gratitude is by bringing a roll of toilet paper so that there will always be some just in case the race runs out of toilet paper, which happens. So yeah, I brought a roll of toilet paper and left it in the bathroom. It felt amazing to take part on that pass the toilet roll paper goodness. (See the small things always does make a difference.)

Before the race started, as we line up, my friends and I realized that “Whoa, there’s not that many people here today.” My first thought was “OH MY! I’m going to be last.” It’s such a pressure building moment, when it truly doesn’t matter what place you’ll be in the race because all the matters is that you have fun and that the race makes you feel like your time and efforts were all worthwhile. So, I calmed my silly self down and remembered to just enjoy the race!

As the race started, I can feel the adrenaline rushing thru me. I ran with the Jax Galloway crew, which consist of amazing people, by the way. We do the run and walk method that I love. We started the method after the 1 mile mark. Although, I did stop to enjoy the Sunrise! It was rising right over the Hart Bridge, the Green Monster, which is my favorite bridge and it truly made me feel so blessed to be able to take part on this race. I stuck with the group I was with until Mile 9 or so, after that, I couldn’t keep up anymore and fell a bit behind. It’s ok, the race is full of supportive and motivated individuals that kept me motivated and determined.

This is my first time doing a BDR race and I must say that the route was one of my faves. You might hear different things from different people but I think it was one of the best I participated in (but don’t listen to me, I like most of the racing routes I participate in, anyways). As I approached the part of the route that I normally run on a regular basis, I felt at home, “This is 1 mile away from my destination.” I do somewhat have that last part of the route memorized by feel because it was my normal route when I run on my lunch breaks or in the mornings. It felt good and it felt like I could finish strong……. (I walked a lot, lol) As I go through the elevated part of the race and the down inclines, it felt nice and amazing but I still walked a little bit after that and ran a little bit more when I was closer to the finish line.

& Just like in any other races, seeing that finish line, is an amazing feeling. I grabbed my medal and grabbed my water and see my friends who were waiting for me. “Wait you didn’t take a picture here yet.”, one of my friends remembered. Ha! & that is why I love participating in races, it is full of dedicated, motivated, loving, wonderful people who are always there to encourage you to keep going! The end.

As always, thank you for reading my thoughts. I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it.

Love always.

Yours Truly Yours,

Piawia <3

What Kind of Love Am I Looking For?

January 21, 2019

The question at this very moment: What kind of love am I looking for?

This question came to me as I was scrolling thru my IG account. 

The best gift you are ever going to give someone: the permission to feel safe in their own skin. To feel worthy. To feel like they are enough. – Hannah Brencher

It made me wonder about what kind of love/relationship am I looking for…. 

I want a love that challenges me, scares me but never ever changes me………

I keep repeating it to myself. Just be yourself. Be the best version of yourself!

Even while jotting down the things I’ve learned about life and how wonderful it is to be me, I still get my moments. I get embarrassed sometimes because the very friends I inspire and give encouragement and support to are also the friends who I run to when I am having my own issues. But they don’t care, they still love me.

I feel like that is true friendship, sharing the things you learn and inspiring each other to becoming the very best. I think that is some sweet stuff, when you can be completely yourself with your friends without being afraid of being judged. Isn’t that a wonderful thing?

Sometimes friends will need you and sometimes you’ll need them, & there is nothing wrong with that.

I came to realize that the kind of love I’ve been looking for has always been around me anyways.

The kind of love I’ve been looking for has always been here with me… & for many years I struggled with looking so hard for this kind of love. I forced people to stay with me, to do things that are out of themselves just to love me exactly how my friends and my family has always loved me.

I feel like this kind of revelations always come to me…. But without the sense of security within myself, it never stuck. I felt so insecure and lost for many years and finding my true self again has opened up a new world for me.

Yes, I still get hit with anxiety, things/situations still trigger self sabotaging acts, but this time, I know I got my friends, I know I got myself, I know I got my family and there is nothing else I’ll need.

It is true, we need to appreciate the ones that matter the most to us and they are the ones that let you be you, no matter what.

So if any one new comes along I am going to make sure I am going to be myself 100%. 

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Enjoy each moment.

 

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TRUST