How does it feel to be loved by you?
I’m talking about do you know what it feels like to be loved by yourself? If your answer is yes, that is wonderful news! As for those who answered no, the answer is here with me today!
Firstly, you need to remember that loving yourself is a choice you need to make and in order for all my wonderful advise to work and settle in your system, you have to choose to love and be loved by your own self! 🙂 I know it seems difficult, It can be. I struggle with this on a daily basis but the steps I’m about to provide will help you and guide you (&me!).
A little note on my journey, I’ve always wanted to discover self-love and it wasn’t until just recently that I’ve encountered some little revelations in life. as my friend said “Wisdom comes with AGE!”.
Here are 5 steps that I believe will guide you through your journey of loving yourself: (There is no need to follow this particular order.)
1.) You are awesome now! Say it out loud and believe it!
The first note and advise I would like for you to remember is that you are wonderful NOW. You are amazing as you are now. Where you are in life is beautiful already. You don’t have to wait for the better version of yourself anymore! Just accept the fact that right now, with all the mess in your head, YOU ARE PERFECT just the way you are! You’ve come a long way. The YOU NOW is strong. The YOU NOW is brave and the YOU NOW will overcome any obstacle that comes your way. Keep in mind that the YOU NOW is just as deserving as the better you you’ve been waiting for. Often times, people who are seeking for healing are so focused on becoming the better version of themselves, they forget just how wonderful they are already.
This is one of my revelations, as I was speaking to my friend, she was constantly telling me “when I get better, I will be ready for……”, it dawned on me that she is already amazing now, she is already deserving now, what else does she need to change?? I realized that all the improvements that come with healing are addition to how wonderful a person is already. You are loved, just the way you are & you just have to believe that it is true.
2.) Forgiveness, to oneself and others.
Number 2 on my list is forgiveness. I think, forgiveness is one of the major things you need to learn. Forgiveness can go a long way. It can literally be your key to freedom. Forgiveness gives you the opportunity to grow and learn. Forgiveness frees up your heart from all the hate, agitation, resentments and a lot of negativity that surrounds you. I think the best way to learn forgiveness is by learning ways to forgive yourself. It all starts with you.
I struggled with this for many years growing up. I was so hard on myself for so many things, “oh I said the wrong thing!”, “I bumped into that person, I feel so bad!”. I didn’t realize that I made myself miserable for no reason. No one is perfect and everyone makes mistakes, let it go! All the hateful things you tell yourself for making simple or even big mistakes, it’s okay! Learn from it and forgive yourself! It’s exactly right, how can you expect to easily forgive others when you’re not cutting yourself some slack!? Start with yourself and it will gradually come to you. Some days, it’ll be easier and some days, it’ll be harder but what I’ve learned about mistakes from spiritual junkie, Gabby Bernstein, is that you can recognize it, then forgive yourself & then choose again. I really liked that she emphasize that everyday, every moment, we are always given an opportunity to choose again. And that is how I see forgiveness, everyday, you have an opportunity to be better, and every mistake is an opportunity to learn and grow. Forgiveness is important! Don’t ever live your life without it. 🙂
3.) “The best proof of love is trust.” – Joyce brothers
Have you ever ask yourself a million times if you’ve locked your car while sitting on your desk and finding yourself walking back to your car just to realize that you have, in fact, locked your car? Ha! Sometimes, this could just be a sign of forgetfulness, but I came to realize that this could also be a sign of mistrusting oneself’s ability to be responsible and on top of things.
And then one day, I ran into a meme (of course, i get inspiration from them little ole things), “The best proof of love is trust.” I thought: “This is amazing, this guy is very trusting of me, he loves me.” Ha! But then i realized that I haven’t fully trusted myself all these years, does that mean, I haven’t really loved myself to the full extent? (Another aha moment) I think, in some ways, it does mean that. I realize that I doubted every single life decisions I’ve made and not totally trusting my gut instincts. Regretting a break up, regretting the degree, regretting & doubting myself in everything I put my mind to. Heck, even the simple things, as locking my car or turning off my straightener, I doubted myself. that is not love from what i realize. I should give myself more credit & know that I am a responsible person.
I realized that it is true that trust is one of the greatest proof of ones love, and that by learning to trust ourselves more, we’ll on the right path for self-love. Trusting yourself is one of the steps you take to loving yourself and not a result of loving yourself. A lot of people who are on their journey of finally loving themselves think: “Ohh, when i get better, I’ll be able to make better choices,” the thing is, you’ve made those (past) decisions for yourself, don’t doubt them, embrace them and trust them even if you didn’t get the result you wanted from them. The life that you have is exactly that, it’s your life, and you are exactly where you’re supposed to be, trust that you’ve made good decisions for yourself. Learning to trust yourself is probably one of the most vital steps to loving yourself. So, do that, just trust yourself & any doubts that come your way, just remember, if you do make a mistake, you can always choose again!! 🙂
4.) Not everything negative your mind tells you is true.
You must think, “Heck you just told me to trust myself!?” Haha yes I know, this kind of contradicts my number 3 step but this is important. I believe part of self mistrust is that you believe every single negative things your mind have told you about yourself. It’s much easier to do so, but you must definitely learn to not believe every negative things your mind tells you about yourself. All those negative thoughts are created from self-doubt, Hence, no trust! It’s pretty much a cycle that’s so hard to manage but you have to believe that you are capable of seeing yourself at a better light.
So what you need to do is stop yourself from thinking negatively of yourself. “Oh I’m not smart” STOP! Don’t even explore that thought anymore as much as you can. As much as you can, you have to stop thinking so negatively of yourself. I know some things could justify these negative thoughts, and trust me, I justify my negative thoughts all the time and end up believing them to be true. But that is one thing I’m slowly learning, it’s a process to rethink the negative. Believe that you are wonderful, believe that you are kind, believe that you are only human who makes mistakes but those mistakes does not define who you are. Step 5, might help you see yourself at a better light, especially, if your judgment about yourself is base on how others have made you feel and think of yourself.
5.) Not Everyone will see you for who you truly are, forgive them anyways.
That statement is true. People will have an opinion about you and think they are right. This will make you feel like proving yourself to them– Don’t! It’s basically a trap. People can be cruel and mean and still manage to think they are being helpful and nothing that you say would make them think otherwise.
You should remember that you do not have to prove anything to anyone. Your struggles are yours and you should be surrounded by people who support you, who genuinely cares for you and those people who loves you no matter what. Those people who will never make you feel like they are better than you. And if you don’t have that kind of support, don’t fret. You can find that support within yourself and eventually you will find that kind of friendship that you truly need.
Finding that safe place is hard. Just remember that everyone in this world has one purpose and that is to find love. Everyone’s journey is different. Not everyone is meant to stay in your life. People may say or do things that are hurtful but this could be their journey and it doesn’t have anything to do with you and who you are as a person.
INSERT: LOVE ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
All of these steps are meant for you to realize that the main focus of your life is YOU. What
other’s feel, believe, see and say has nothing to do with who you are and what your purpose is. To truly love yourself is to trust that you have done everything in your life for yourself. To trust that your journey in life is to find yourself by loving and trusting your own journey……….. I hope that these five steps help…. It helped me a lot… & I’m still growing & learning different things everday.
My most favorite step is FORGIVENESS. I ENJOY FORGIVING MYSELF THE MOST. I learned to recognize my mistakes and learning to forgive myself quickly….& ALWAYS REMEMBERING THAT I WILL ALWAYS HAVE AN OPPORTUNITY TO CHOOSE AGAIN. 🙂
What do you think would be your favorite step? Share and tell me what you think!